Popinjay--Breathtaking

I forgot how completely breathtaking this is for me.

Wondered why I hadn't taken advantage of the peace.

And was reminded I need to go here more often.

* * *

Next week's prompt is: CONFIDENT

Link up...

Popinjay--AFRAID

This is the view out the side door of our house.

Beautiful trees.

Standing upright.

This.

This is a view of those beautiful trees with 90mph+ winds.

Severe thunderstorms.

Tornado warning.

While I love storm chasing, it might make me just a little, teeny, tiny bit afraid.

* * *

Next week's prompt is: BREATHTAKING

Link up...

Popinjay--Dainty

This week's photo prompt is DAINTY.

It honestly took me a long time to find something dainty. I've learned this week that I tend to take photos of strong, resilient subjects.

There aren't many dainty, fragile items in my life.

From the decorations in my home, to the jewelry I (sometimes) wear, down to the type of flower I am drawn to (daisy, lilac, sunflowers) almost everything seems to be strong.

There's not much room for things of a delicate nature around here.

* * *

Next week's prompt is: AFRAID

Link up...

Popinjay--Rejected

So I had a breakdown the other day, certain I was rejected by God himself.

Yes. It was a pity party. So I took my coffee outside and cried but you couldn't really tell because it was raining so hard it all just blended together. Terrible things ran through my mind, thoughts that shouldn't be running around in there. Trying to stop the thoughts was like trying to ride one of those raindrops.

And I felt some of my faith slip down off of my with the rain.

But God catches my tears and stores them in his bottle.

And He cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for me.

Why do I have so little faith?

* * *

Next week's prompt is: DAINTY

Link up...

Popinjay--Bizarre

This week's Popinjay word is BIZARRE...

'nuff said?

Next week's prompt: REJECTED

Link up!

Popinjay--Sharp

Popinjay has returned home.

This week's prompt is: SHARP

(Next week's word is: Bizarre)

And this is what I've got for my definition of sharp...

Taken on one of these rocks in Shell Knob, Missouri

Link up!

Popinjay--Doubt

Doubt: to lack confidence in, distrust, to consider unlikely.

If we're talking about doubting God--it hasn't happened in quite a long time.

But if you want to get into doubting people (and really, you don't) then the answer is yes. I doubt.

I've been burned, it seems, at an average of about once a year. Always by someone I trusted completely.

Either I'm naive

or stupid

or both.

Because it keeps happening.

And I doubt it will end.

Karina is hosting Popinjay this week. Head on over and link up.

Popinjay--FAITH

Faith is the reality of what is hoped for, proof of what is not seen.

And what is not seen by mere human eyes

is known by God.

Last week, just two weeks after mom died, a "friend's" actions through me into a tailspin. That tailspin that killed Goose (Top Gun) Remember that scene? Yeah. All kinds of bad.

My mental reserves were tapped dry.

Recovering, or trying to recover myself, was in vain and I ran away from home.

Drove away from home.

Packed a bag.

Had to get away. Somewhere. Anywhere.

I drove to a remote McDonalds location to sit in the parking lot. To steal their WiFi.

To find an Abbey. Some Franciscan retreat with Monks and quiet. Stillness. Solitude. Prayer. Respite.

None could accommodate on such short notice.

A long-time, dependable, real friend works for an airline.

Texted her: Can we please fly away somewhere. Anywhere? I need to go.

No answer.

Drove to a coffee place with WiFi, chatted with a real friend. Had a deep, painful spiritual talk and heard without doubt God telling me to "Go back to your friend. Put up with her abuse."

Like I wanted to hear that.

Obedience is better than sacrifice.

Drove home.

Hit a baby deer.

Cried until my eyes hurt. My heart came out.

Woke up the next day, got a call from the friend who works for an airline. "Come visit me."

Before I left, a local artist--one of my favorite's--asked for photo inspiration from his fans. Barns, farm scenes, midwest flair. My favorite kind of photos.

I set out with my camera, my son, and faith.

Found plenty of barns and farms to photograph.

Also found The Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe.

Set out on a pilgrimage. Walked the meditation trail.

Got exactly what I was looking for.

Faith is the reality of what is hoped for, proof of what is not seen.

My friends, Heather, Michele, Amber, and Karina have been hosting Popinjay the entire time I've been away. They make my heart sing. God blessed me with these ladies and I'm blessed beyond measure.

Karina is hosting this week and next. Hop on over and add your link.

P.S. Karina was supposed to use FAITH last week. I'm glad she didn't. I'm not sure how much faith I had. This week, I am renewed.

Neglected by Choice

Most of you out there in blogland also follow me on Twitter or Facebook so you probably already know why this blog has sat dorment for a month. The rest of you, maybe sponsors I've just started building relationships with or new readers should understand this isn't typical at all.

Here's the recap of the last month:

April 14th: I headed to Calvin Festival of Faith and Writing to represent Relief Journal and The Midnight Diner as the new president of the company that publishes them, ccPublishing.

On the way there, my sister called me concerned with my mom's health.

April 16th: My dad's birthday, mom was hospitalized. I was still at the conference.

April 20th: Doctors find a 5cm brain tumor in mom.

April 24th: My parent's 39th wedding anniversary, mom has brain surgery. Doctors diagnose her with Diffuse Large B-cell Lymphoma. (We canceled our trip to our grandson's first birthday party in Missouri to be at the hospital for mom's surgery.)

April 26: Phil's step-dad, the only dad he's known because his dad died in an auto accident when Phil was a year old, is diagnosed with lung cancer, has a large tumor in his lung and the cancer has wrapped around his spine and nearly severed a vertebrae.

April 29th: We leave for Missouri.

April 30th: Phil's step-dad has surgery to remove the lung tumor and part of the spinal cancer.

May 3rd: Phil's step-dad has surgery again, this time to put in an artificial vertebrae.

May 6th: Phil's daughter puts on a second-first birthday party for our grandson! :)

May 7th: Mom has an IV bubble put in her brain for chemo.

May 8th: Back to Indiana.

May 9th: Mother's Day, I spent the day with mom at the hospital.

May 10th: Mom's chemo started.



And here we are. I've been at a hospital nearly every single day since April 20th. Thank goodness for friends who are willing to help out with Popinjay (and will continue to help!) until things are a little less frantic around here. I've made some commitments to a couple sponsors and I'll be catching up on those posts soon as well as trying to participate in Popinjay. I might even get to post a blog or two with thought on this past month. You all know how much I loathe cancer for taking my best friend, Jill.

Amber said something when this all started, I can't remember when it was, but she said something about all this stuff hitting right after some very good things happened in my life regarding God. I can't help but think she's right. That's the idea I need to explore. Am I cursed or blessed? I've posted about that before with a lighter tone, but after several writer's conferenced and critique partners who've mentioned the fact that I might well be cursed--I might just believe it. LOL

Popinjay--BITTER

The challenge word issued last week is: BITTER.

I first wanted to take a photo (somehow) of my feelings of bitterness towards the church (in general) for being so legalistic. But the more I thought about it, the deeper I dug a hole. If I take a picture of a church building, that's just a building. It has nothing to do with the people who congregate there. I could stand outside of a church on Sunday morning and snap some shots of the people leaving. But they're not necessarily the people I have issue with. I could dig up some old photos of the people I do have issues with--but that doesn't seem quite right.

Then I thought I'd go to the store and take some pictures of vinegar and baking chocolate.

Then I thought, I'll just skip it, because I know what the truth is and I'd rather hide it.

In the same vein as my Bad Attitude post, here it is.

Me.

I am bitter.

I am the one who holds on to the hurt, who constantly rehashes it. I can't get it over it.

You can search my blog over and find posts about what the church has and it's people have done to me. It started when I was a small child and my Catholic church wronged me over and over. Then I was atheist. Then Independent Baptist. Then nothing--and in that nothing is when God did His best and most amazing work. Then Southern Baptist.

Now? Yeah, now I'm bitter.

I should be nothing again.

Because if I am nothing, then doesn't that give God something to work with?

* * *

Next week's word is: FUNNY

You have from now until next Monday to take your photo, post it and you'll be able to link it next Monday. I can't wait to see what you come up with!

* * *

Words coming soon:


Week #17--Excessive

Week #18--Content

Week #19--Powerful

Week #20--Joyful

pop⋅in⋅jay--noun--a person given to vain, pretentious displays and empty chatter.

In other words, blogging. ;)

Isn't that what this personal blogging is all about? Me. Me. Me. For this photo challenge, that's perfect. We're going to dig inside of ourselves and do some "concept photography."

I'm going to give you a word and you're going to take a photo of something that describes the concept of the word.

• You CANNOT take pictures of your kids or your pets for this challenge. Or anyone else's kids or pets. I know they're precious, but they make your creative bone lazy. Let's get outside of the box. Let's be challenged.

Please leave the link to your post (not the link to your website or blog.) For example:

Right: http://michellependergrass.com/week1_photo

Wrong: http://michellependergrass.com



So--Let's see your photos for BITTER.
Link up and don't forget to visit the other participants!

Popinjay--ACCOMPLISHED

The challenge word issued last week is: ACCOMPLISHED.


I think this week's word (ironic as it may seem) will go a long way to explain my complete lack of posting last week.

Though, I don't believe in irony.

So really, what happened and when it happened and how it coincided with my life is nothing short of amazing.

Last week, I was lost. I should have posted the self-portrait, but I was so lost, I couldn't find my way to myself. I was trying to be someone I'm not but I didn't know how to be the me I needed to be.

Once upon a time, I submitted a story to this promising new publication. My critique partners and I longed to have a story picked up by this journal. One got published in the first issue. Not me, though, I was rejected for a writing style that was "too genre" for a literary journal.

Of this new publication was born a genre anthology. Hoping for acceptance, I submitted. And was promptly rejected for writing "too literary" for a genre publication.

This is apparently the tight-rope I'm destined to walk.

A strange thing happened next, I was asked on to the yearly genre anthology as an editor (where two of the stories I worked on won Editor's Choice awards!) The next issue saw my promotion to Editor-in-Chief of The Midnight Diner.

Months later, a position on the board of directors for the two publications opened up--yours truly was brought on as secretary.

A few months ago, I was asked to accept the nomination for president of the board. And I did.


This is my official announcement, and I'll not likely talk much about it after this as it causes me great discomfort to think of myself in this way. The truth of the matter is, officially, I am now the president of a 501c3 publishing company. The former president and I have been spending countless hours working on a smooth transition.

Last week was crunch time. Last week I learned more and worked harder than I have in eons. And just a few days ago, the first shipment of books in my charge arrived at my house. Things got hairy there for awhile and I was stressed out and tense and I was sure they picked the wrong person for the job. Because I can't fill the shoes of the president of a publishing company. I was lost. I wanted to give up on Popinjay and my blog and my writing and homeschooling and everything else because I'm no good at any of it. Except people keep telling me I am. I was working 12 hours a day on this transition and trying to do it all and I was failing miserably as a wife, mother, friend, and all those other hats I wear.

Somewhere along the way last week, I realized (much to my dismay!) that I'll never be good at any of the things I do. Or rather, I'll never be good enough. Because I'm a perfectionist. Because nothing is ever good enough in my life. It can always be improved--no matter what the it is.

Then I saw the connection.

I guess I wasn't really lost.

When is it ever ok to let things remain status quo as a wife? What happens if I stop working on my marriage? What would my relationship look like if I stopped trying?

Same with being a mother. And a friend. And a writer. And an editor. And a homeschooling mom. And everything else.

It's obviously who God built me to be. And this week I feel pretty accomplished.

* * *

Next week's word is: BITTER

You have from now until next Monday to take your photo, post it and you'll be able to link it next Monday. I can't wait to see what you come up with!

* * *

Words coming soon:

Week #14--Bitter
Week #15--Funny

pop⋅in⋅jay--noun--a person given to vain, pretentious displays and empty chatter.

In other words, blogging. ;)

Isn't that what this personal blogging is all about? Me. Me. Me. For this photo challenge, that's perfect. We're going to dig inside of ourselves and do some "concept photography."

I'm going to give you a word and you're going to take a photo of something that describes the concept of the word.

• You CANNOT take pictures of your kids or your pets for this challenge. Or anyone else's kids or pets. I know they're precious, but they make your creative bone lazy. Let's get outside of the box. Let's be challenged.

Please leave the link to your post (not the link to your website or blog.) For example:

Right: http://michellependergrass.com/week1_photo

Wrong: http://michellependergrass.com



So--Let's see your photos for ACCOMPLISHED.
Link up and don't forget to visit the other participants!

Popinjay--ADORABLE

The challenge word issued last week is: ADORABLE.



It's my birthday and I can cheat if I want to.

At least that's the story I'm sticking with this week. Because I really did have other plans for the word adorable.

But then I walked by Zane's room today while he was doing school and I saw this:


And that, my Lovies, is adorable.



* * *

Next week's word is: LOST

You have from now until next Monday to take your photo, post it and you'll be able to link it next Monday. I can't wait to see what you come up with!

* * *

Also, since the first word ever was so challenging for me, I thought I'd give you a head's up on a month's worth of words so that I you can have some more time to get just the right shot.

Week #12--Lost
Week #13--Accomplished
Week #14--Bitter
Week #15--Funny

pop⋅in⋅jay--noun--a person given to vain, pretentious displays and empty chatter.

In other words, blogging. ;)

Isn't that what this personal blogging is all about? Me. Me. Me. For this photo challenge, that's perfect. We're going to dig inside of ourselves and do some "concept photography."

I'm going to give you a word and you're going to take a photo of something that describes the concept of the word.

• You CANNOT take pictures of your kids or your pets for this challenge. Or anyone else's kids or pets. I know they're precious, but they make your creative bone lazy. Let's get outside of the box. Let's be challenged.

Please leave the link to your post (not the link to your website or blog.) For example:

Right: http://michellependergrass.com/week1_photo

Wrong: http://michellependergrass.com



So--Let's see your photos for ADORABLE.
Link up and don't forget to visit the other participants!