How does he always do that to me?

As you probably know by now, Zane is 5 (and a half! Don't forget the half!) We've practiced Attachment Parenting from the start (though not militantly. I didn't use cloth diapers and I did use a stroller) But I did nurse Zane until he weaned himself at age 3. He was in a sling until he was too big. I stay at home. And last year, we started HomeSchooling.

We spend a LOT of time together. There are times when we just drive each other insane. We do know our limits thankfully. He'll tell me, "Mommy can you just go on the computer and leave me alone for some quiet time please?" Bless his heart!


Yesterday, we played a couple games of dominoes early on and later, after dinner, I got engrossed in my Bible Study and he really wanted to play another game. I asked him very politely if I could finish up my studying and then we could play. Like a little gentleman, he agreed. He went up to his room to find a game. He came back down promptly and said that he wanted to play Candyland but couldn't find all the pieces. I told him to go look harder.

He got sidetracked and so did I and we forgot about playing a game. I've had a DVD from Blockbuster online (oh what a wonderful thing) for about a month now and I decided I'd watch it. (Phil was working). I popped it in and got midway through it and Zane came into the living room to remind me about our date for the Candyland game. I stopped the movie and asked if he had found all of the pieces. He found *most* of them. LOL

It was almost bedtime, so I told him we could play one game and then we'd brush his teeth, pray and go to bed. He agreed.

The game started and he was ahead and loving it. He loves to beat mommy. Then on his third turn, he pulled the peppermint candy card. That's the one that takes you allllll the way to the end of the board. You're SURE to win with the peppermint candy card. I thought he would squeal with delight. Instead, he sat for a moment with a concerned look on his face. He fumbled for a second with the card. He put it upside down and said, "I think I'll just put this one back and try again, Ok mommy?" He was visibly upset. Almost to the point of tears.

And here I am sitting here in tears typing.

That little boy sacrificed winning the game because it meant that the game would be over quickly. It meant that he wouldn't get to play for very long with mommy. And he said that. I asked, "Why do you want to draw a different card honey?"

He said, "Because then the game will be over quick and I won't get to play with you anymore."

Broke my heart right in two.

So I assured him that if the game ended quickly, we'd play another. That satisfied him and we finished that and another. He won both.

I thank God that He has given Zane the biggest heart I have ever seen. And the Lord has also blessed him with discernment beyond his years. Thank you Father God for this child. To see him sacrifce a short term pleasure for a longer term fulfillment just makes my heart overflow with joy.

Sometimes, I feel like such a bad mother. I know that's Satan demoralizing me (Thank you God for Beth Moore and her ability to teach). Thank you God for showing me the heart you're in charge of in that little boy of mine.