So really, the truth is, I don't want to believe this.
I joined this Bible study because I needed to get back to God. I don't know a single person at the study and have never stepped foot in this church. (If you want to catch up on the story. Read this. Then this. And this.)
So, Beth Moore was on the video for Stepping Up, talking about the Psalms as songs and it was so very interesting. She was reading some verses and having us flip to some in our Bibles and we were in Psalms and had to move to Hosea and I flipped right to it because I know where Hosea is and I know the story Hosea tells and just the other day I likened my lifetime-relationship-search for God to Hosea, so yeah, I know right where it is. But the girl next to me didn't and for a moment, when I saw her go to the table of contents, I started (in my mind) judging her and I have no excuses. I just did. And I thought to myself, you should give her a little grace. There's no reason you should be thinking this stuff, this is stupid.
Then I hear Beth Moore on the video say, "ALL of us need to turn to the table of contents to see where Hosea is, lest we should get prideful in our hearts because we know where it is and our neighbor doesn't."
OUCH.
If the girl who sat next to me at Bible study last night is reading this, I want to apologize. Which makes me a coward, because I totally couldn't work up the nerve to say it last night. But I am sorry and I don't want to be like that.
If there was a time when I thought God couldn't possibly know and react to my every thought--that was washed away completely last night. You skeptics can call that coincidence. I think otherwise, though.
And I feel horrible and really need to change some things. What made it even worse (for me, in my head) is when I got up to leave she said, "Be careful going home, Michelle, it's snowing pretty bad." She knew my name and cared enough to wish me well. And here I am, being all mean in my head. For no reason.
Time to make some serious attitude adjustments.
13 comments:
*long breath* Those are the times when you could really just kick yourself in the arse. I guess we all just need a little wake up call now and then. At least you are receptive to the "call." Some people aren't and could really care less.
I know SO many people who have recently begum Bible Study. Maybe that's a hint? :)
Not a coincidence. Never is.
And kudos to you for hearing for YOURSELF. Some people would've just sat there and said, yeah all you judgmental people should listen up and never would've called themselves on it.
You, however, are not that kinda gal and He knows it :)
Oh, there is NO such thing as "coincidence." Wow. Good for you for recognizing the call. Not everyone would--so many of us are blind to our own faults. The ole log in the eye syndrome. I've had experiences like that before as well. The thing I remember, though, is that God will somehow make this into good. You will grow. Maybe the timing for your apology will work out to be better somehow. Something will make this an experience that adds to your character, because you recognized what you did wrong and are now owning up to it.
Michelle--I love you. I do. Just meeting you last Friday, I felt drawn to you and the life pouring out of you! Then I saw your email to all of us stampin up ladies and it had your website on there. I am at work so I could only take a minute, but the am declaring that some of your creative spirit is going to infiltrate my life! And if you are looking for a home church please come with me this Sunday. There is a program for you son too, or he can sit with us. The website is www.bethelvalpo.com. Starts at 10.
WOW. Many times in my life GOD has jerked me back to reality. I frequently need a swift kick in the butt and usually get it.
Thank you for always being transparent. I love you for that!
HUGS,
andrea
I think the key, in moments like those, is to acknowledge it (as you did) and then ask Him what now (which I think you did by saying you need to make changes).
Don't beat yourself up over it, mmmk? If you're anything like me, you'd totally beat yourself up for it and then get stuck in that place. You can't move forward into what He has for you or wants from you if you're stuck in what happened last night or today or whatever.
And God is like, "Uhm...dude you're forgiven. Can we move on now?" ;) I hear "likes" and "dudes" from God. I can't help it. Blame it on growing up in So Cal.
Seems to me the same statement got me when I did that study.
I know my way around the Bible. So what? I've been in church all my life. Used to have to do Bible drills. Went to Christian School.
How in the world does that make me better than anyone else?
But I feel that way. Often. Look at me! I turned right to it! Admire me for my spiritual prowess.
Thank God for grace. I sure need it.
Ouch! I was in Walmart the other day (I despise Walmart - at least the one in our town), as I was trying to get to the check out counter I reminded myself how much I hate it, but then I realized how judgemental I was being of those people that were providing me the opportunity to think that. I really should not be that way or have those thoughts and feelings about anyone, let alone someone I know nothing about.
Love the post and the God moment ;)
I am pretty Bible literate and I almost always have to sing the books of the Bible song in my head when I'm turning to a specific book. ;-)
lailani- We ALL hate WalMart. ;-)
Michelle - Beth Moore's teachings alway "call me out," too! I'm teaching "A Heart Like His" right now. I'm not really doing it the way it was set up. I'm teaching each day's lesson as though it were a week's lesson. It'll take our women's SS class more than a year to get through the book this way, but we're really digging in and it's great! I think I end up getting more out of it than the class does, however. :o) Beth T
btuszynski@cox.net - I left my email for you to see, but please remove it before posting.
OOPS! The comment posted immediately. I thought it would be monitored before posting so that my email wouldn't show. Could you please delete the comment? I don't want my private email address showing.
WOW! I can't call that coincidence because 1.) I don't believe in coincidences and 2.) How many "coincidences" have there been at this bible study?? Even if I did believe in them, they'd cease to be coincidences after a certain point, don't you think?? =)
Stuff like this just cements how much you need to be there. I'm so glad you found this study group!! He's going to work amazing things in your heart through this, I KNOW IT! =)
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